What's The Difference? (transcript)
Script [The episode opens with Timmy approaching the school building as the bell rings.] Timmy: 'Same old school... ''walks down the school hallways. 'Timmy: '''Same old hallways, same old locker. I feel like I'm in a rut. ''down to see that he is literally in a rut ''I do the same thing everyday. I know the perfect way out of this rut. I'll do something I never do: I'll go to the library! 'Cosmo: 'AH! I don't know you anymore! ''[Cut to school library. Pan to the book ''Romeo and Juliet, where Cosmo and Wanda are on the cover page, acting as Romeo and Juliet, respectively.]'' '''Cosmo: ''into an empty balcony Wanda? Wherefore art thou Wanda? '''Wanda: 'the balcony behind Cosmo ''I'm up here, you moron! ''a flowerpot at Cosmo Cosmo: 'AH! Can we skip to Juliet's funeral? ''to Timmy attempting to read a book, only to get bored and toss it to the side 'Timmy: '''This place stinks! Nobody told me this place was full of picture-less books! ''[Cosmo and Wanda poof out of the Romeo and Juliet'' book]'' 'Wanda: '''But Timmy! ''[holds up a copy of ''The Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men]'' There's plenty of fun books in here. Of Mice and Men, The Grapes of Wrath...what could be more fun than wrath or grapes? '''Cosmo: ''[holds up a book called Find It!] No! No! This one! This one has pictures in it! '''Timmy: '''I'm in! ''book ''Oooohoohoo! ''Find Its! The fun puzzle book where everything is hidden... to a page with a pirate ''...right where you can see it, but not where you'd think to look for it. ''the hidden image Wanda: '''Oh, Timmy, this book is for three-year olds! '''Timmy: '''This should be a snap. ''at another page and points to a scene taking place in a barber shop where several objects have been misplaced ''Scissors are a lobster, barber pole is a candycane, shovel, not a broom. '''Cosmo: '''Heey, you're pretty good at this. '''Wanda: '''It's for THREE-YEAR OLDS. '''Timmy: '''It's pretty simple. All I do is look for things where I'd least expect to find them and I find them immediately. It's a piece of cake! '''Cosmo: ''[points to a picture in the Find It! ''book] ''And THERE'S a piece of cake right there! Oh, wait, that's a barber. 'Mark: offscreen ''TURNER! ''[Cosmo and Wanda poof back in the ''Romeo and Juliet book, only this time, Wanda is Romeo and Cosmo is Juliet. All of a sudden, Mark Chang in his human form bursts into the library. Screaming and hollering, he turns into a cactus, a horse, a tree trunk, and ultimately back into his Yugopotamian form while running up to Timmy. He finally gets to Timmy.]'' 'Mark: '''You must, like, help me, for my image fake-i-fier is totally malfunctioning! ''his panic, Mark tips over a bookcase which knocks over every other bookcase in the library via domino effect 'Timmy: '''Chill out, Chang! I can totally wish this thing fixed. What's the hurry? '''Wanda: '''Well, one, everyone will know there's a space alien in your class... '''Cosmo: '''And two, I am now wearing a dress! '''Mark: '''And four, without the fake-i-fier, Man-die...up an autographed picture of Princess Mandie'' heheh, my super-hot super-murderous fiance, whom I left at the altar...CAN FIND ME!! 'Timmy: '''What are the chances of that? ''Princess Mandie bursts into the library, kicking the doors open. 'Mandie: '''I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACCCCK!!!! '''Cosmo: '''Wow, the library's more exciting than I thought it would be! ''[Timmy quickly grabs Romeo and Juliet and jumps behind a flipped table. Mark tries to run as well but Princess Mandie promptly stomps on his squishy tentacle with her high heels, creating enough force to make Mark bounce back to her. She hugs and squeezes him tightly.] 'Mandie: '''Mark, darling, did you miss me? Because this time ''up a giant bazooka and charges it up I'm not going to miss you. 'Timmy: '''Uh, uh... ''[looks around and sees his ''Find It! picture puzzle book] I wish Mark and the whole school was like this book--like my Find Its! ''[Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands to grant the wish. Globes become basketballs, atlases become Invader O's cereal boxes, lockers become cartons of milk, doors become gingerbread, clocks become chocolate chip cookies, the knocked over bookshelves become actual dominoes, some intact bookshelves become a hedge maze, and Mark is poofed out of Mandie's clutches.] '''Mandie: '''What? He's gone? It's as if the whole school has been transformed into a child's puzzle book...FOR THREE-YEAR OLDS!! '''Wanda: ''Cosmo Told you. '''Mandie: 'to Timmy ''You'll pay for this. Prepare to meet your doom! ''a sausage and aims it at Timmy ''Meat?? ''that her bazooka has been replaced with salami and smashes it to the ground in frustration Timmy: '''Thank you, horribly visual pun! '''Mandie: ''to Timmy THIS is your FAULT! You will pay for this! ''to attack Timmy with her sharp, retractable claws Timmy: 'I, uh...HEY! ''in the opposite direction Is that Mark asking for your hand in marriage? 'Mandie: '''Where? ''off to find him and Timmy and his fairies quickly hide in the rut Timmy was stuck in earlier. Mandie realizes she was tricked and comes back, angrier than ever. ''UURRRRRGGGHH!! '''Wanda: '''Uh, Timmy, you know you could have just wished Man-die away... '''Timmy: '''I panicked, okay? But now I'm calm. I wish Man-die was back at her home planet and didn't have any idea where Mark Chang was! '''Cosmo and Wanda: '''Your wish is our... ''that their wands have been replaced with turkey legs ''poultry?!'' '''Wanda: '''Oh, ''great! ''The finding wish switched our wands with turkey legs! '''Cosmo: ''the turkey leg Mmmm! No wonder my wand tastes so delicious. ''Wanda ''Are you gonna finish your wand? '''Timmy: '''C'mon! We gotta find your wands before Man-die finds Mark! '''Wanda: '''Or worse...before you-know-who catches on! '''Cosmo: '''Who-know-who? ''smashes her turkey leg into Cosmo's head to [[Crocker]'s classroom where he is sharpening the tip of a metal red 'F.' He tosses the sharpened end at a dartboard with Timmy's face on it. He then stirs his cup of cocoa with a wand but does not realize it, even though it turns his desk into cheese.] Crocker: 'Hey! My desk is made of cheese! Hmmm...this is either the work of the Dimmsdale Dairy Council or...FAIRY GOD PARENTS! ''weird poses and collapses to the ground ''Oh well! No matter! BACK TO THE F'S! ''to Timmy walking through the school and looking for the wands '''Timmy: ''at a clock with lollipops for hands Not a wand... ''past the fire hose which has been replaced with a snake ''Not a wand... ''past lockers ''Not a wand! ''up to [[A.J.]] A.J.: '''Hey Timmy, does something seem slighty weird about the school to you? As though it were designed by three year olds? '''Timmy: '''Nope, nah, not at all! '''A.J.: ''a locker that has been replaced with a fridge and sees an assortment of delicious sweets.'' There's something wrong here... Cosmo: ''into Timmy's school book You're right! There's no turkey in there! ''to Princess Mandie opening a door to a dark room. A cylindrical figure stands in the midst of the room. Mandie: 'Oh, Mark? Time to play HIDE-AND-GO DIE! ''the round figure with her flaming sword, only for the lights to go on and the shape is revealed to be a water dispenser 'Waxelplax: '''Oooh, hi! You must be the new social studies teacher! Nice flame sword! I keep a medieval flail under MY desk! ''up to see that the top part of her hair has been replaced with a bee hive ''OOAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! ''and runs off back to Crocker's classroom where he is still stirring his cocoa with the wand. He is attempting a crossword puzzle. 'Crocker: '''Hmmm...a fourteen-letter word for a magical creature that grants wishes with the use of a wand... ''the coffee-stirrer/wand and taps his coffee cup with it, turning his cup into a frog, a shoe, a fish, and finally back to a cup ''Wand, wand wand wand, wand, wand... JEEPERS today's puzzle is hard! ''to Timmy rushing around in the schoolyard 'Timmy: '''Wands...wands...wands! ''boy is shooting a bowling ball into a basketball hoop and it lands on one of two boys seesawing on a ruler, causing the other boy to be launched into the air. Elsewhere, some girls are skip-roping with a snake, and as another boy is running to catch a pizza frisbee, he misses and runs into the fence, which has been turned into a sticky spiderweb. As the boy is stuck in the spiderweb and left to be devoured by the giant spider, Cosmo flies into the air and catches the pizza frisbee in his mouth. Several droplets of his saliva splat down next to Timmy. 'Timmy: '''Man, this is taking forever! Don't you guys have any idea where the wands are? '''Wanda: '''No. This is one tough Find-it, Timmy! '''Cosmo: '''But if I had to eat through every part of it to find our wands, so be it! ''his teeth down on a nearby wiener dog, which then promptly attacks Cosmo viciously ''Aaah! That's not a hot dog--it's a dog dog! '''Timmy: '''C'mon! We have to find those wands before Man-die finds Mark....or ME! ''to Mandie stalking the hallways for Mark. She fails to notice that Mark is bent into the shape of a trophy and is hidden in the trophy case. '''Mandie: ''to enter several doors but the doorknobs have been replaced with jelly donuts Jelly donut... jelly donut... AAH! Is every doorknob in this school made of SUGARY FRIED JELLY-FILLED DOUGH!!! ''Waxelplax enters the scene, her face covered with bee stings Waxelplax: 'Oooh! I sure hope so! ''[Chester makes a grab for the jelly donut and Principal Waxelplax lifts her medieval flail] ''GET AWAY FROM MY JELLY! ''makes a run for it as Principal Waxelplax smashes the weapon into the door to the boys' bathroom where Timmy is still trying to find the wands. '''Timmy: ''in the empty stalls Toilet...toilet...toilet....a closed stall and finds a hippo head Hippo head!? '''Hippo Head: '''If you go in me, you die. '''Timmy: 'the stall door ''Okay, when a toilet starts talking, it's time to give up. ''his hands with the candycane faucet and nonchalantly wipes his hands dry with a cookie '' '''Wanda: '''Don't give up, Timmy, if this was a Find-it in one of your books, what would you do? '''Timmy: '''Look for the thing I'm looking for where I'd least expect to find it! '''Timmy and Wanda: 'a bit ''...Crocker's room! ''to Crocker's room where he is still figuring out a crossword puzzle. Crocker: 'Ah! An 11-letter word for a student I hate! Last 10 letters are "immy Turner." ''his head with the wand in thought and turns his head into a gopher's head, the face of a clock, Abraham Lincoln's head, and finally back to his own ''Immy? Immy, immy, immy.....nope! ''to Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda watching Crocker from the classroom door's window 'Timmy: '''Oh, man! He's in there! How can we search his room? '''Wanda: '''Uh, we have other problems, Timmy.. '''Cosmo: '''Other really voluptuous problems! ''and Wanda poof into trash cans as Princess Mandie comes into sight. '''Mandie: ''past the trophy case Mark is hiding in and stops for a moment AHA! ''an octopus next to the trophy case and seizes it ''GRRRRRRR.... ''it's not Mark Chang ''... '''A.J.: '''That new social studies teacher sure is crazy. '''Chester: '''At least she doesn't have a medieval flail! '''Mandie: '''COME OUT, MARK! I know you're here somewhere! AHA!! ''a trash can but realizes it's not Mark ''DARN IT! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAHHHH!!!!! ''trash can and tosses it over her head and it smashes to pieces in front of Timmy Timmy: '''Uh oh! '''Mandie: '''YOU! ''over and grabs Timmy by his collar ''Tell me where Mark is! '''Timmy: '''I-I don't know! '''Mandie: ''Timmy's body hard onto the ground Fine! If I can't find Mark, I'll turn all of Dimmsdale into a crater! ''a bomb out '' '''Timmy: '''A BOMB?! '''Mandie: '''It ''was ''an apple. ''the bomb, which is set off to explode in three minutes Unless, of course, SOMEBODY is willing to sacrifice himself to be my HUSBAND! Cosmo: 'Well, if I have to. ''Cosmo charges at Mandie, only for Wanda to smack him real hard [Mr. Bickles and Mr. Birkenbake jump out of nowhere and hug Mandie tightly] 'Mandie: '''NOT YOU!!! ''Mr. Bickles and Mr. Birkenbake off overcome by guilt, jumps out of the trophy case and confronts Mandie '''Mark: '''Hideous Man-die! I beseech you! Okay, if I surrender and, like, promise to marry you, will you spare these pitiful humans? '''Mandie: ''grabs Mark by the tentacle Of course not. But the crater they make will be the perfect honeymoon spot for us! ''Mark tightly Mark: 'Oh well. I tried. '''Timmy: '''Oh no, we're doomed! Unless... in Crocker's room'' enters Crocker's room. 'Timmy: '''Mr. Crocker, look! ''at Mandie The totally attractive new social studies teacher just, uh... won a trophy for best hunchbacked teacher who lives with his..or her mother. 'Crocker: '''What?! That's impossible! I had that category sewn up! My desk may be made of cheese, that locker might be a domino, and those trash cans ''at the transformed Cosmo and Wanda ''might have blinking eyes, but if I'm not the best hunchbacked teacher who lives with his or her mother, there's only one logical explanation... ''to inside Crocker's classroom. Outside, we can see Crocker doing his weird poses while screaming "Fairy Godparents!" '''Timmy: '''Quick, find your wands! Look for stars and straight lines! '''Cosmo: '''What's a straight line? '''Wanda: ''inside each desk No wand... no wand! '''Cosmo: 'out of Crocker's desk of cheese ''No cookie! ...No cookie! '''Wanda: '''No wand! '''Cosmo: 'at a T-shirt with the American flag on it No straight lines! WHERE ARE YOU, STRAIGHT LINES? Timmy: 'You two search while I stir with this fancy stirring stick! ''stirs Crocker's cocoa with the wand to the classroom door window where we see Crocker and Mandie '''Crocker: ''Mandie Give me that blinking, slimy, talking green trophy, woman! ''back inside the classroom to the search for the wands Timmy: 'Now, find a wand... ''the wand to his head, transforming it into an apple, a TV, a giant pencil, and ultimately back to normal back to the classroom door window. Crocker and Mandie are both tugging viciously at Mark's curved tentacles. '''Mark: '''Ooooowww! Cease your constant pulling on my shiny handles! '''Timmy: ''Crocker's cup of cocoa Man, this cocoa's so good, it's like magic! ''that the "coffee-stirrer" was the wand ''Oh, duh... Cosmo, quick! Take this wand and-- oh, what am I thinking? Wanda! ''wand to Wanda Wanda: ''the wand I wish Cosmo could find his wand! '''Cosmo: '''Still can't find it! ''turns Cosmo's head to his wand ''Hey, I found it! '''Timmy: '''And I wish Man-die was back on her planet and didn't know where Mark was and everything wasn't a find-it anymore! ''and Wanda raise their wands and grant Timmy's wish. Princess Mandie and Mr. Crocker are still struggling over who gets to keep Mark the "trophy," when all of a sudden Princess Mandie is poofed away, leaving Mark to Crocker. Crocker: 'Ah! I'd like to thank the academy-- ''is poofed away DRAT! ...FAIRIES!! bomb then disappears and the playground and school is restored to its normal design. back to Timmy, standing in his rut again. 'Timmy: '''Ah, back in my rut. It's good to have everything back to normal. ''approaches Timmy 'Mark: '''Turner, I cannot thank you enough. '''Timmy: '''I'm just glad your image fake-i-fier is working again. What happened to it anyway? '''Mark: '''I do not know. But! I promise it will never happen again. ''of a sudden, [[Trixie] approaches Mark.] 'Trixie: '''Hey! You're cute. ''Mark a kiss which lands on his face '''Mark: ''shorts out again, revealing his alien form AAAAGHH! Kisses! From Earth women! It is happening again! ''into a balloon, a barber pole, and ultimately a jelly donut Waxelplax: ''out from nowhere ''Jelly donut! WHOOHOO! ''off with Mark the jelly donut ''YAY, JELLY! ...GET AWAY FROM MY JELLY! Category:Episode transcripts Category:Season 5 Category:Season 5 transcripts